I'm just having a hard day!
This has been my motto the past couple weeks. So here is my question. When do you start making those hard days easy or just great? This has been the ever present question on my mind as of late. Yet again I am searching for this feeling of being content and happy. Instead I feel lazy, irritable, and like I'm about to blow up at any moment. This isn't how I prefer to feel. I want to be happy, perky, and have no worries. I guess I have been doing some soul searching and have come to find out that it is a difficult thing to do. There are stages to my soul searching.
1. Realization that something needs to be fixed.
2. Being upset with myself for being that way in the first place/
3. Becoming extremely motivated to "fix" myself.
4. Working on these fixes.
5. Here is the cross road. It can go either way from here. I do another self evaluation here and if I'm doing well then great, everything is working. Most of the time it is the other way around. I realize that despite my efforts I am still the same and haven't changed. I can now either a) give up and accept that I won't ever change or b) keep working at it.
I think this is probably where I get stuck a lot of the time. I lovingly refer to it as limbo. I am not making progress but at least I am still realizing the issue. I can't tell you how the cycle ends, maybe this is where it does, but I'm not sure. I'm stuck in limbo most of the time.
The bright side of it. It is almost spring. This means a rejuvenation of my soul. There are some reasons why this time of year is great.
1. You can feel the warmth of the sun again. I have come to despise the sun in Logan during the winter. It screws with your mind! It will be January and you will get ready for school and it looks like a great day and then you go outside and bam! You instantly freeze because it is -15 degrees outside! I love walking through campus during this time because you remember how great the sun actually is and I love being able to feel it making me warm. You can't help but smile.
2. HOBY! I am so excited to go back to HOBY. There have been some major changes this year and I have been so involved in them. It will be a great year to see it all work out. HOBY is also the time that I hear three days worth of speakers talk about goal setting, how to be a better listener and leader. This is the time that really kicks me in the butt and tells me that I can be better and actually succeed.
3. The end of school! I have probably a semester left before I can graduate. I am so excited and I cannot wait! I am sick of school and being graded on what I do and do not know. I just want to go out and do!
So even though it has been a hard day I can look forward and say that tomorrow will be a great day. If there is anything that Brady has taught me in the past 3.5 years it is that attitude is everything. (Yes Dad - I am finally admitting it.) So here it goes I am making a goal right here. I am going to have a better attitude about school, people, and life! (I think I just hit the motivation stage.)
Hammond: From an English surname which was derived from either the Germanic given name Haimund which meant "home protection" or else from the Old Norse given name Hámundr which meant "high protection".
2 comments:
Jackie, what a very mature sounding post. Good for you! I think things can just be hard sometimes. And like you said, attitude is huge. I remember after our first year being married (after I'd spent a goodly portion of it an emotional wreck btw) I was talking to Derek and he told me straight out, "sometimes you just have to choose to be happy." I think he is right. Look for the good and you'll see it more. Also, finding ways to serve others is a big help.
Love,
Your long-winded sister,
Meagan
it's funny because eric would always tell me, "happiness is the most important thing," and i loved that advice but at the same time it would kill me when i just wasn't there. and really, sometimes, life is just going to be stressful. it just won't make you happy and there are times you just have to get through it and know that it's just a phase. but look for those small and simple things that make you happy and focus on those. yes other stupid things will get in the way but if you just remember the little happy things like a special someone or feeling the warmth of the sun like you said, or the birds trying to fly back but still getting bombarded with snow.. ok maybe that's sad but it is kinda funny because it's just utah. but call me anytime ok jackie? i love you!!!
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